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Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Voices in My Head; An early Morning call

I open my eyes to find that my room is still dark and the sun has yet to rise. I'm shocked. I turn on my laptop and find that its 4 30 in the morning and I am completely awake and full of energy.

Why am I awake? I roll over and close my eyes, telling myself that I need more sleep, but my body is awake.

Go pray. What was that? No, you are exhausted. I have to be, its 4 30 in the morning. I guess I am tired... Well you said your day was so busy that you needed a quiet place away from the busy-ness to spend time with Me. Kaitlin you are crazy, get some sleep... You'll be worn out after work that you won't be able to do anything productive. Thats true, there is no way that I won't be tired. I miss you. Won't you spend time with me? I have waken you up now and I am able to give you the energy to finish your day and complete your tasks. Just one more hour of sleep. I guess I must be tired, and I suppose that I can pray when I wake up. Didn't you ask Me to wake you early, so that you can spend time with Me? Wow, I did... He never woke you up... Obviously you ARE tired.

As I turn over again, i wonder why there is this battle going on inside of me.

Anyone ever had one of these experiences? The Lord calls us to come spend time with Him amidst the craziness of our lives and we are confronted with a battle inside of our minds. Man, but its just prayer, right? Wrong. Satan knows how important the prayers of the godly are. Satan knows as well as we do that "The fervent prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available." Do we know that if we ask God anything according to His will, that He hears, and will answer us? If only we would get out of bed and pray. If only we would get off our computers and off our cell phones and away from our tv screens and give God our time. Imagine how many more prayers would be answered if we spent even half of the time we do on entertainment, in prayer? Do we realize that by praying in faith, we unleash God's omnipotent power upon the earth to do His will?

How about we start making His power avaliable to those who need a mighty move of God?
Think about it.

Kaitlin.

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

This just in

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee'ree going to texxxaaas! I'm so stoked. The youth groups going to YFN (Youth For the Nations) this July! Whats also extremely exciting about all of this, is that we are DRIVING to Texas and back. Which means, I get to spend long periods of time being breathing distance from my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I just, lllovveee long car rides. It really creates character in me, learning to be more patient, more tolerant of the younger ones... But let me say just this. We have the coolest younger group ever. Seriously...

I feel inspired to give people undercover names, because Namo (I guess thats hers) gave me one. Its raven-haired girl. How cool is that!

Anyways, the younger brother in the youthgroup.. Man... I'm bad at this, lol. He walked up to me holding a cup of pineapple soda. His exact words were, "Wooaaahhh man, I think they spiked this. My head feels fuzzy. Aha.. Aha... aha...." That did concern me a bit. Also, on the other hand, made me laugh pretty hard.

God is so good. The presence of God was so strong during worship tonight at youthgroup.
I can't think of any other place right now that I long to be than in the presence of God. I know God wants to move in a powerful way this weekend. I'm soooo excited. Ahh...

1 Timothy 1:19. CLING TO CHRIST, KEEP THE FAITH, FINISH THE RACE,
Kaitlin.

Monday, 17 March 2008

Would I give anything?

I am amazed at how persistent God is. What is my worth that he would look upon a silly 17 year old and want to bring her up out of a rut which she created? It is beyond me to understand the heights and depths of the love of God. It wasn't till just recently that I found out I haven't even scratched the surface of knowing the being of God. How can one become content with knowing what they do? How can one be fooled into thinking their knowledge of God is adequate enough to help them live the way the ought to outside of the grace of God?

I'm thirsty.

I'm so thirsty to feel the presence of God. I feel His eager desire to move in a powerful way in those who are willing and humble. I also know that in so many ways, I've displeased God for my lack of regard for His word. Its one thing to kneel and pray before the God you seek, and to kneel and pray before the God you are so passionately in love with. Wouldn't a love-struck person go to great extents to satisfy the one they love? Would they not want to sacrifice what is in comparison the petty things in life? In so many ways I've taken for granted the love and compassion of God. How many times must He knock on the door of my own heart and wait?

During prayer last night it struck me. The words of God were so crisp in my mind. "Would you give anything for me?" And I had to think. Yes, I'm sad to admit, I had to think about that for awhile. Would I really, truly, sacrifice anything in this world that I hold dear for the sake of growing closer to God? Is He my number one desire? And if I say He is, does my life reflect that? No. To that question I had to tell God the state of my heart, and it was that I couldn't give up those things that were keeping me from Him. God showed me something that opened my eyes so completely to the truth. Its not until I realize my inability, that I can truly trust God with every single aspect of my heart and life. I've been so completely fooled into thinking that my own efforts had to be enough in order to live a godly life. And so many times, I try and i try, and i fall and I fail. I'm defeated and I'm worn out. And this happens so many times that after awhile my desire to get back up again isn't there. And I give up.

After God showed me this, He asked me another question. It was so simple and so very easy to answer. "Do you want to be close to Me?"
And to that I almost cry saying "Yes, Lord. I just miss you so much. And I miss being close to You and hearing Your voice and leaning upon your guidance, and feeling at perfect peace in Your love." I just miss God so much. I miss waking up in the morning with excitement, wondering what God has in store for me. I like not knowing what my day will hold, and I miss trusting in God to take me to new places and to increase my faith and love for Him.

But then what am I so afraid of? Looking from a clear eye sight now, I'm realizing that if I lay down the things I hold so dear and trust God, that everything He wants for my life will be. The bible says God will grant us the desires of our heart as long as they are in line with the will of God, and in the timing of God. Do I know what His plans are for my life right now? No. So I will make no reserves for anything right now. I'm learning to trust in God and not in my feelings. Does that feel good? No, but trusting more in God and wanting what HE wants for my life will make my life worthwhile. And for that reason, I will be content.

Lataa. <3

Thursday, 06 March 2008

The Afters, Thank God I'm Not The One.

How could You walk when You went down that dusty street
How could You speak when all Your friends checked out
How could You love after the great betrayal
How could You reach out when they nailed You down

Chorus:
True as true can be
That's what they say you are to me when I'm so fake
Does Your heart ache
If I had been the one I would not have been that strong
If I had been the one, yeah, I'd have been long gone

How could You hang on with Your mama crying
How could You keep on breathing in and out
How could You watch while Your whole world was dying
Did it all happen cause we let you down
(Repeat Chorus)
And all the things we think of eternal would come undone
All I have to say is when I'm praying
Is "Thank God I'm not the One"

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

This world is rediculous.

It amazes me how much people try to find their contentment in friends, boy/girlfriends, money, success, having a great life and etc. I wonder what this world would look like if you stripped away all the things we find our security in. People rely too much on eachother.

They do not necessarily lack happiness. They may be happy with what they are currently doing, they may be in love with whoever they are dating.. Whatever. But theres one thing that I realize soooo many people lack. P u r p o s e .

So you live to grow up, get a great job. marry a great individual, have children, and die. But whats the point? What is the purpose? When I think about having the perspective so many people have..

So tell me honestly... If you were to strip away your family and your friends and all the money that you have and all the material possessions that you are satisfied with, what would life be like for you? Because you can't tell me honestly without a doubt that us, living, is about doing all those things and building great relationships, and only having it all to end with your death. Because now that I think about it, to me.. Thats not even a life worth living. There are so many things I see myself finding temporary fullfillment in. May it be making a new friend at work, passing a hard test in psychology, whatever. This world can never sleep.

And that reminded me of my purpose. What is it? God placed me here, but I'm ignoring his commands and going with my own. I have a life, and right infront of my face there is an amazing God who knows all things who can direct me through this crazy thing called life, and I find it hard to find time for Him in my day. How selfish can my heart get? I know this is getting way personal... But it has a meaning in the end.

It is absolutely crazy how people are soooo convinced that their life will one day become something spectacular... And if its not that, then they say "thats life, you have to settle for the cards you are handed." That is crap. We make our lives what it becomes. Christ created us with a purpose in mind and people are walking around like zombies oblivious to their purpose. There is a purpose for our life that is higher than becoming successful and having a family and being well off. Our purpose is to know who Christ is. And look around you. Now the name Jesus has become something people mutter when they hit their thumb with a hammer or when they get upset and angry.

Now Jesus has become some being way out there in heaven that we run to when someone in our family dies, or when something terrible like 9/11 or columbine, or Virginia Tech and etc happens.. We run to God with problems we do not know how to handle... Problems that are beyond us. We cry and ask God "why" all while not realizing that the only reason this world is raging with problems that we cannot fixed is because we lack regard for God. Infact, I bet if our problems wouldnt exist and if the people we loved never die, attendance in church would go wayyy down and peoples prayer times would cease to exist. This world lacks concern for God. And even more so, we've become so numb in living that we forget to search for purpose in life.

May i be resolved to no longer linger or be charmed by this worlds delights.
Things that are higher have caught my vision, they have allured my sight.
I will run to Jesus when I have no problems.
I will run to him when I have no questions to be answered.
I will fall in love with the person of Christ by being content in knowing who he is, not just what he can do for me.

And I hope I've encouraged you to do the same, or to consider your purpose in this crazy thing called life.
Godbless.